New Years Resolutions are for Quitters!

Another year, and everyone always make a whole slew of resolutions to attempt to change things that they weren't so happy about, bad habits, quit addictions, change relationships, and for so many, to lose weight and/or get healthy. I too have made many resolutions in years past, and many times it was to get healthy and lose weight. The problem with resolutions is, they seldom stick. If we make it a few weeks into the new year, we're lucky. The majority of resolutions fail. Often being replaced with the very thing that you sought to change. I can agree that I have had that happen on many occasions. That is why I'm not making any resolutions this year. Not one. Nope. New Years resolutions are for quitters- and I am sick of being a quitter. 

I don't know how many times I've tried to lose weight. Too many to count. And of course, I have failed all of those times, otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it. Duh. Dieting, exercising, trying to be healthy. I guess its just not for me. Or that's how I think every time I fail. Again. For the fourth, fifth, sixth....twentieth time. I can't tell you how sick I am of starting over. I have a complex with needing to start on a Monday too, which doesn't help either. Another Monday, another shot to have a good week. But, for some reason, I can never make it past that second week, if I even make it past the first to begin with. 

I decided that this year, I was going to figure out what was making me crave sweets, other than the fact that I eat them too much so my body wants them...constantly. This is exacerbated by the fact that I absolutely LOVE to bake. Its my passion. My hobby. My oasis. The problem is, I love to eat it too, and have very little self-control when it comes to sampling my baked goods. Anyway, I realized that I start to want sweets as soon as I become stressed. I had never thought about myself as an emotional eater before, but I guess I kind of realized it out of the blue the other day. I have a (almost) three year old, and a seven month old who doesn't sleep. I'm not lying when I say that...I'd be happy if he only got up twice a night...hey, I'd even be happy with three times, but that is a rare occasion these days. He gets up four-plus times a night, and then likes to wake me up at 6:30 or earlier as well. Kind of puts a damper on wanting to get up early and work out when the hubs needs to get to work by 7:30 or earlier. 

Anyway, back to the stress thing, the not sleeping thing is just something I need to come to terms with. As is why I titled my blog the way I did! So, my almost three year old was having one of her many bouts of screaming at me about some mundane thing (to an adult...clearly not so for her though), and as soon as she was calm, I found myself wanting to go down to our basement chest freezer and eat a chocolate chip cookie. And then I realized it...stress. Its stress! Stress. Makes. Me. Eat. There it was. The answer to my problems. But, I have yet to figure out what to do to replace that. I'm working on that as we speak. I'm sure you'll hear about it when I'm successful. 

That being said, I've got a lot of figuring out to do. A lot of realizations to be made. A lot of truths to discover,  no matter how hard they may be to face. I need to do these things in order to be successful this time around. Because I am so tired of failing. I've always been able to do what I set out to do. Except this. I don't expect anyone to really read much of this, but I feel like I'll have some accountability knowing that other people might actually see it. I'm going to try to log my workouts every day on here, and let you know if I cheat on my diet. Here's the current situation:

1. My first goal is to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (its been 7 months...its about time!)...that means losing about 17 pounds.
2. My second goal, once I reach my PP weight is to drop 20 more pounds to get to my new goal weight.
3. Be healthier. Be happier. Be a positive role model for my little girl (and my son!). Avoid some of the health issues that have plagued my family (diabetes, hypertension, being overweight, etc.).
4. Be more optimistic. Stress less. 

My obstacles to reach my goals thus far:

• I have horrible self-esteem and get discouraged very easily.
• I have 2 children, 3 and under, and am a stay-at-home mom with a house to keep clean, cooking to do, etc. Busy, busy. 
• I always put myself last. 
• I get less than 7 hours of sleep most nights, and only get to sleep for 1.5-2 hour intervals most of the time. So...I'm always completely exhausted.
• Excuses. I'm full of them. 
• I've got a ridiculous sweet tooth that I need extracted, ASAP. 
• My daughter is at that, oh-so-fun, defiant, talking back, want to do the opposite of everything mom wants, want to do it myself stage. My son is at the "separation anxiety" stage. I feel guilty as it is for not being able to play with my daughter as much as I want. Makes for some emotionally draining days.
• I'm torn between knowing I need to work out, wanting some personal time to just chillax, and wanting to spend time with my husband in the evenings. Thus, making it hard for me to want to do workouts at night, but sometimes that is the only option when I'm exhausted and can't get up early in the morning.

So...those are the major obstacles I've encountered within the past few months of trying, and trying, and trying to stick with it. Thus, comes the name of my blog, "Giving Up (on sleeping)." I think I just need to bite the bullet and get up early to get my cardio done. As much as I hate this realization, I need to do something to get it done in the mornings and just do it. With my son getting up that early anyway, I might as well get up anyway. My husband just has to find a way to get ready for work while watching him for half an hour for me, which he has agreed to do. I'll be starting tomorrow...with Monday being the day off I've chosen...so I guess just the eating then. Which is my biggest problem. Wish me luck! God knows, I need it!